Plastic free: Body Lotion - Part 1

The Knight of the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable
A modern take on an ancient tale

Once upon a time, long, long ago, in the faraway kingdom of LaLaLandalot there lived a mighty ruler, King McDreamy. He was a handsome man with the bluest sky blue eyes, and the softest skin - velvety smooth like a new born rabbit’s. Just like his Mother’s.

McDreamy was much loved by his people. He was a benevolent king. Fair-minded. Charismatic in a self-effacing way. Visionary. And wordly. He believed in peace and harmony among all living things.

McDreamy’s compassion was borne of tragedies endured in his youth. When just a boy of ten, his father died unsuspectingly. And then some years later his brother, whom McDreamy loved dearly, fell to his death from the castle tower. Some whispered the brother had not fallen, but sadly, had jumped, unable to handle the pressures of the impending throne that was surely his.

McDreamy fell into such a deep despair upon his brother’s death that, despite still being just a young man, his hair turned frost white – as if magically kissed by snow angels. His mother, TheQueen, could not console him.

So, disillusioned and confused, McDreamy left LaLaLandalot, foresaking TheQueen and all who loved him, to seek the meaning of life and death. He hoped renewed joy, happiness and a sense of purpose awaited him beyond his own kingdom’s realm.

Instead, McDreamy only found more confusion, chaos, suffering, and despair. His travels took him to war torn impoverished lands, where people foolishly victimized each other for belonging to different tribes or different gods – even though they shared the same color of skin. He witnessed terrible injustices that man made against man, against woman, against animals, and against nature. So terrible that every recess of McDreamy’s soul screamed in revulsion.

He saw barren, scalped landscapes where Natures’ bounty had been ravished by man’s gluttony. On the rare occasions when he spotted a bird or honeybee in flight, his heart leapt, overjoyed that he had been blessed with a glimpse of the phenomenal beauty of Nature. And at the same time, his heart would bleed in silent pain with the realization that these now rare creatures were ominous portends of impending doom to all.

He vowed, when he returned to his homeland, none of this would ever be allowed in LaLaLandalot. That he, McDreamy, would make LaLaLandalot an Eden, a Nirvana. Where Man and Nature lived in harmony. As it was meant to be. An example for all others lands to follow.

And so it came to pass, after many years of absence, he returned to LaLaLandalot. With a new level of appreciation for his homeland. And a devotion to protect LaLaLandalot from the outside forces of the world and the inside forces of man.

The Queen was elated. The people celebrated. Even nature rejoiced.

McDreamy’s return heralded LaLaLandalot’s GoldenGreenAge. For McDreamy set forth new laws for the land. Three simple laws in fact….that made all the difference.

FirstLaw: Equality for all.
SecondLaw: Cruelty for none.
ThirdLaw: Harmony with Nature.

And King McDreamy walked his talk. To prove the FirstLaw ‘Equality for all’ he established the Knights of the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable, where all men who sat at it had an equal voice in how LaLaLand was governed. And all men had an equal opportunity to become a Knight. Maybe even a King. Bloodlines didn’t matter. Deeds did.

Sir Bono became a knight after establishing a program that raised buckets of ducats for people suffering from TheDreadedDisease. Sir Paul’s knighthood was bestowed when he convinced the entire kingdom to adopt a BeastFreeDiet. Sir Al earned his chair at the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable for his brave attempts to pacify the GlobalWarmingDragons. Sir David was knighted for his heroic efforts to teach the people about TheNatureofThings….In all there were 12 Knights of the EcoFSC-Certified Round Table. All brave, noble men.

And there in lies the rub. ALL brave, noble MEN!

Now, this really was starting to stick in EnviroWench’s craw. Although she was merely a lowly kitchen maid in McDreamy’s court, she knew women were just as capable of performing brave, noble deeds that saved humankind and the planet. She believed a wench had every right to be a Knight. Maybe even a King.

But the only time EnviroWench, or any other damsel for that matter, came close to the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable was when they polished it, cleaned it, and removed the dirty dishes after those brave, noble men had had a night of revelry and feasting.

In the dark recesses of EnviroWench’s wishful-thinking, TheSecret-indoctrinated mind, she had been harbouring, for quite some time, the delicious dream of becoming LaLaLandalot’s very first female Knight.

But what brave, noble deed could she perform that would earn a Knighthood?

Then, by divine inspiration, the answer came to her.

And so, one day, when McDreamy happened to be strolling through her little treasured and wild part of the kingdom she hailed to him, ‘Noble King, will thou not rest a while in my wee cottage here by the river. I can offer thee a sweet drink of lemon-ale and the loveliest of honeybreads.’

'Ah, EnviroWench, thou art a temptress….only a fool could resist sweet honeybread.' replied McDreamy

And so, the two sat on the porch, feasting on EnviroWench’s delicacies, watching the river meander by, and TheBeast chase dragonflies, and the cedar waxwings feed unfortunate mosquitoes to their voracious nestlings.

A quietness fell upon them as they both silently revered Nature in its abundance. All was right in the world.

For a fleeting moment EnviroWench eyes strayed from the river, and onto McDreamy. ‘Up close, he really is a marvel of a man. Though not handsome, he is indeed striking. His eyes art as blue as the flax flowers growing in the sheep pasture. And his hair, so white, like the snow that settles in the valley in December. And his skin…no wonder why the women in the village whisper ‘He’s so McVelvety’ when he walks by.'

And at that exact same fleeting moment, McDreamy was thinking ‘Me wonders what the CourtCook is serving for supper tonight.’

And then the time was ripe for EnviroWench to be bold.

‘King McDreamy, why art there no wenchs sitting at the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable? Surely it is not because thou thinkest them incapable of worthy deeds. Afterall, thine own mother, TheQueen ruled LaLaLandalot quite capably for many years after the death of thy noble father, proving to all that the fairer sex is capable of great strength and wisdom.’

This boldness, coming from such a wee wisp of a woman, startled King McDreamy. Clearly she was leading him into dangerous territory. But he knew EnviroWench was a woman pure of heart. So decided to humour her.

'Thou asketh an excellent question EnviroWench. Me thinks of mineself as a SensitiveNewGoldenGreenAgeGuy. Afterall, did not I invoke the FirstLaw ‘Equality for All’. If any wench in LaLaLandalot, pray, thee for example, was to perform a noble enough deed, that wench would surely be considered for a Knighthood. What kind of noble deed do thou supposest a damsel could perform to earn a knighthood?'

The tables had turned. Now he lead her into dangerous territory.

‘Perhaps she could help rid LaLaLandalot of plastic. Afterall, ‘tis a blight on our kingdom. ‘Tis out of step with the ThirdLaw ‘Harmony with Nature’. The wench could seeketh out more Nature-friendly alternatives. And show the people how to live plastic-free. And cruelty-free. Surely Sir Al and Sir David would support that. Might even thee and TheQueen.’

McDreamy could not hold back his shocked laughter. This wench had balls! ‘Indeed EnviroWench that would surely be a deed worthy of a Knighthood! Thinketh of it. But how would LaLaLandalots carry squash, carrots and lettuce from the marketplace? What would dairymaids place milk, curds and whey in? And what of hair salve…and soap…and paste for teeth? What would the citizens buy? Why, what body salve would the Queen and I use to keep our royal skin so soft?'

‘Say the word King, and I am on the quest.’

'Then take up the cause EnviroWench.' replied McDreamy. 'Prove your mettle. Show thy King thee art worthy of a Knighthood. I challenge thee to go forth into the world and bring TheQueen and I back a plastic-free cruelty-free body salve.’

And so the next day, at the crack of dawn, with a heart filled with anticipation and trepidation, EnviroWench went into the garden and dug up the jar of ducats she had stashed there, put the leftover honeybread, lemon-ale and a few essentials into a satchel, grabbed her willow basket, kissed TheBeast goodbye, and set out upon MyLittleSteed to begin the quest of a lifetime….

Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Knights of the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable.

What do you think….will EnviroWench ever find a plastic-free body lotion?
Will she become the very first wench to sit at the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable.
And….you know you’re thinking it..will she and King McDreamy fall in love?
Can you guess what will happen?
What misfortunes and perils do you think will fall upon EnviroWench in this epic journey?

Plastic free: Step Ladder

EnviroWoman is vertically challenged…cursed with tiny, little legs.

That’s why, in her new home with the high ceilings, and high cupboards, she needed help to reach ‘way-up there’ shelves and to hang pictures or wash walls. Usually she’d just hop up on a chair or a countertop to get the job done.

But she gave her chairs and table away before moving and she’s still hunting for plastic-free replacements which match EnviroWoman’s mod-but-funky design aesthetic. She thinks it’s gonna take a while to find ‘the perfect one’.

In the interim, she's living chair-free. So she started searching for a step ladder.

She had her hopes on finding a lightweight, all-wooden step ladder….because the longer EnviroWoman travels down the NoNewPlasticPledge road, the more she thinks ‘Buying only things that are entirely compostable are where the world should be heading’. Wood has a better chance of rotting into smithereens than metal or plastic.

Now you’d think finding an all-wood step ladder would be oh-so-easy, wouldn’t ya? Well, not so much.

Hellloooo….do they not make all wood step ladders anymore? Apparently not. Well, at least not in EnviroWoman’s new neck of the woods. She searched the big box stores, the $1 Loonie stores, IKEA, furniture and kitchen stores.

All she found were metal ladders with rubber or plastic slip treads on the stairs, fiberglass ladders, all-metal step ladders that came in a plastic bag (or that weighed tons) or worst of all...100% plastic Rubbermaid step stools.

I suppose EnviroWoman could have tried to hunt down the local Quaker furniture store (if it exists in LaLaLand) but sometimes ya just gotta make a purchase and stop wasting all your time (and using all that global-warming gas) hunting for ‘the perfect one’.

After 3 weeks of searching she found an AlmostLightAsAFeatherAluminum step ladder which didn’t come wrapped in plastic. It’s got a small rubber anti-slip pad on the bottom of each leg, but EnviroWoman can put up with that MINOR SIN. Being all aluminum, it’s certainly not an ideal choice, and probably will be hard to repair or recycle if or when that time comes.

But, at least EnviroWoman’s not feeling so vertically challenged anymore.

Now, if she could just find an all metal measuring tape – her world would be perfect.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Ladder
SAINT: Lite Products Inc. platform ladder
Price: The same
Quality: Even better than the alternatives. It’s sturdy AND lightweight. Gotta love that
SINNER: Werner, True Balance, Eagle, Rubbermaid

Lessons Learned:

• Sometimes 'good enough for now' is as good as 'the perfect one'. This applies to step ladders...but not to people you may end up spending the rest of your life with.

Plastic free: MASCARA

EnviroWoman is cursed with tiny, beady eyes. That’s why mascara is a must have….she needs all the help she can get. Oh, she knows, mascara is nothing but toxic waste carcinogenic chemical crap - but hey, whatya gonna do when you’ve been cursed with beady eyes?

Before taking the NoNewPlasticPlege EnviroWoman bought her mascara from The Body Shop – the mecca for all makeup that’s cruelty-free.

But alas, The Body Shop’s mascara comes in a plastic tube, and even worse, wrapped in a layer of anti-wacko protective plastic. So Body Shop mascara was off limits for 2007. Nuts.

By June, EnviroWoman was living in desperate times….she had totally depleted the mascara she bought in 2006, down to the very very last drop. She literally was scraping the bottom of the barrel. As a result, she was starting to get eye infections.

Yuppers, it was time to go mascara a-hunting.

She dreaded this particular hunt…because my friends, she knew finding a cruelty-free mascara that was also plastic-free was going to be like finding ice-cold water in the sahara desert.

It’s tough shopping for cruelty-free cosmetics. Most beauty boutiques, when asked if they carry cruelty-free cosmetics, will say ‘all our products don’t get tested on animals’ because they believe a rumour that no cosmetic companies test on animals anymore. That’s bunk.

And when you probe a little further and say 'But, cruelty-free means it’s not testing on animals AND it doesn’t contain animal ingredients’…then they get a bit stymied. And when you pull out your handy cruelty-free cosmetic lists from The Leaping Bunny, Choose Cruelty Free, and the National Anti-Vivisection Society and ask ‘Do you carry any of these brands?’…they sadly have to answer ‘No’. Nuts.

Then, to top it all off, most mascara comes in that plastic tube, with a plastic wand and is sealed in plastic wrap. Nuts.

So EnviroWoman asked ‘The Secret’ cosmic forces to work their magic and bring a cake mascara in a metal case into her life. Was that too much to ask for?

She searched the beauty shops in LaLaLand. No luck.

Then she searched the world wide web and found one French brand, Longcils Boncza that had cake mascara refills that appeared to be completely plastic free. But could she find their corporate website to check the product out? NO. Could she find a supplier that carried it locally? NO. Could she find a mail order company that could guarantee it wasn’t packaged in plastic? NO.

So EnviroWoman had to cross off cake mascara from her list. Nuts.

She then e-searched known cruelty free brands…looking for one that didn’t have plastic. Nope.

The hunt turned to homemade recipes. But, no luck. None seemed doable, or they called for plastic-packaged ingredients.

She searched the ethnic shopping districts in search of kohl. But never found any. And even if she did, could she be guaranteed it was cruelty-free when she couldn’t even read the writing on the package?

Ever the optimist, EnviroWoman turned to Sephora. She had such great luck with Sephora’s CARGO Plant Love lipstick, which is packaged in a compostable bioplastic tube made of corn, that maybe, just maybe, she’d luck out and find they had cruelty free mascara that was also plastic free. Rumour had it they might. Alas they didn’t. Nuts.

(But EnviroWoman had to give major points to Sephora, they sent her the best response she’s ever received to one of her email inquiries. It’s so good, it’s included at the bottom of this post.)

It was starting to look grim. So she headed to Capers, the local mecca of all things organic and healthy. They carried one brand which she finally had to settle on. Dr. Hauschka.

It’s not a perfect solution because, although it comes in a metal tube, with no plastic wrapper, it does have a plastic wand. But it’s cruelty free, and as plastic free as she’s gonna find in mascara. It doesn’t have the best staying power, and ooeeee – it costs $30. Yikes.

But at least EnviroWoman’s beady little eyes aren’t looking so beady anymore. (Yeah, like who is she kidding?)

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Mascara
SAINTs: Dr. Hauschka
Price: As expensive as the high end brands.
Quality: Not as good, but at least it's cruelty-free
SINNERs: Body Shop, Cover Girl, L’Oreal, Maybelline, Marcelle, Annabelle, Lise Watier, Clinque, Quo, Almay, MAC, Estée Lauder, Kiss Me, Fresh, Elizabeth Arden, Philosophy, DuWop, Cargo, Urban Decay, and all the other drugstore brands.

Lessons Learned:

• Sometimes The Secret cosmic forces don’t answer your requests. Nuts. Like what’s up with that, anyhoo? I mean, we’re living in the 21st century…surely, somewhere on this planet there really is a completely plastic-free, cruelty-free mascara.
• There's a price to pay for vanity. Sometimes it's animals in cages that pay that price. Always it's women who get suckered into thinking that somehow, a $30 tube of mascara is really going to make beady eyes bigger.

As promised, here is Sephora’s answer to EnviroWoman's email request. Notice how they too confuse 'cruelty-free' with 'not tested on animals' but even so, there's alot of great info below they were happy to share:

Thank you for contacting Sephora.com

Sephora.com is a retailer for over 250 brands. Our private label brand, Sephora Collection, is cruelty free (meaning, the products have never been tested on animals) (Note from EnviroWoman: Cruelty-free is more than this, the product should also not include animal ingredients), but I cannot guarantee that every brand we sell is. Due to public outcry in the 1980's, the vast majority of cosmetics companies stopped animal testing.

Other than the CARGO Plant Love lipstick I don't know of any other lines that we carry that are entirely free from being packaged in plastics.

You will want to look for any of these logos: (Labels can be deceiving, so be careful. No specific laws exist regarding cruelty-free labeling of products, so companies can take liberties.)

• "No New Products tested on Animals"
• "No Animal Testing"
• "Cruelty Free"

Here is a list of a few lines that have never tested on animals:

Organic: The FDA does not regulate the term "organic," but these brands follow strict internal standards for their organic products: all active ingredients are grown without chemicals and pesticides.

• Juice Beauty
• CARE by Stella McCartney
• L'Occitane
• Dr.Hauschka

Natural: Products made without the addition of certain synthetic additives like chemical preservatives, or non-natural fragrances and colors.

• Phyto
• Boscia
• Skyn Iceland
• Caudalie Jonathan Products (100% vegan)
• Decleor (Their Aromessence Oils are organic and preservative-free)
• REN Clean Skincare (free of petrochemicals, sulfates, parabens, synthetic fragrance, and color)

Botanical: Made from naturally derived ingredients and essential oils, these products harness the full power of Mother Nature

• Ole Henriksen
• Carol's Daughter (paraben- and sodium laureth sulfate-free, and also free of petroleum-based products)
• TESS(Teen Everyday Skincare System)(Made with fruit and botanical extracts, essential oils, and vitamins)
• Ojon
• Rene Furterer
• Korres Natural Products (created at the oldest homeopathic pharmacy in Athens, Greece)
• LaVanila Laboratories (free of petrochemicals, synthetic dyes, sulfates, parabens, and phthalates)
• CARGO Plant Love

Also cruelty free:

• Anthony Logistics
• Stila Cosmetics
• Benefit Cosmetics
• Bourjois Cosmetics
• EI Solutions
• Urban Decay
• Hard Candy
• Too Faced Cosmetics
• Bare Escentuals
• Sue Devitt Studio

If you would like more information regarding Animal Ingredients and Companies that don't test or ones that do check out these websites:

• www.leapingbunny.org
• http://www.peta-online.org/mall/cc.html
• http://pw1.netcom.com/~axleplus/stuff/hotstuff/company.html

The best place to retrieve or purchase Vegan/Animal free cosmetics would be: www.animalfreecosmetics.com

Again, thanks for contacting Sephora.com and if we can assist you further please feel free to contact us at www.sephora.com

Best regards, Sarah R. Sephora.com Client Services

See, wasn’t that a great response from a company? Sarah R….whoever you are….I hope one day Sephora promotes you to upper management.

MAJOR SIN #4

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 8 weeks since my last confession.

Well, well, well, my child. It’s been a long time since you’ve graced this blessed sanctuary. I’m going to take that as a good sign, and assume you’ve been leading a plastic-pious life since I saw you last.

I’ve been giving it the old college try, that’s for sure. But Father, if I had been completely plastic-chaste, I wouldn’t be sitting here in the confessional today, would I?

Good point. So then my child….what is the SIN you have to confess today. No, no, let me guess…..you finally succumbed and bought plastic-packaged mascara, didn’t you?

Oh Father, now you’re making me feel really guilty. I wish I had sinned over something as worthwhile as mascara. Remember my last SIN was so much bigger than mascara – I had bought a new home.

Yes, I remember.

Well the SIN I have to confess today is on the exact opposite end of the spectrum Father. It’s actually quite minuscule in comparison to buying mascara.

Now you have me intrigued my child, do tell, what is the SIN you’ve committed?

I bought replacement razor blades for my paint scraper.

HUH?

You know, those little razor blades that fit into the end of one of those flat metal paint scrapers. I know Father, it so stupid isn’t it! But all my blades were dull, and I was desperate for new ones. But they come packaged in this stupid little plastic case. I searched Home Depot, RONA and the local hardware shops and none of them had a plastic-free option.

And Father, I really, really, really needed these blades. My new home’s gas fireplace door has a thick layer of white mineral gunk which has accumulated over the years. I don’t think it’s ever been cleaned.

Father, you can’t even tell there’s a fireplace behind the glass, it’s that bad. So I bought the blades so I could scrape the crud off.

Oh my child, we use a special cleaner here in the rectory to clean our fireplace glass, couldn’t you have just bought that.

I could have Father, but all those cleaners come in plastic bottles. I was trying hard to not commit a SIN. In fact, I tried vinegar, lemon juice, toothpaste, baking soda, erasers, and even some CLR I had left over from the pre-plastic pledge year of 2006. I even borrowed a professional steamer. And nuts, none of them worked. That white mineral crud is stubborn stuff.

So as a last resort I bought razor blades. I figured the little bit of plastic in that stupid razor blade plastic case was better than all the plastic in a bottle of fireplace cleaner.

I mean Father, I have to think of my plastic shrine. Did I want a big white bottle in there, or a little tiny plastic case? I opted for the plastic case.

Well my child, it sounds like you did give it the good old college. Did you at least get your fireplace glass clean?

Well, the sad truth is, the scraper blades didn’t work either. So I committed my SIN needlessly. But – looking on the bright side - at least I can use my paint scraper blades when I start painting my new home. So I’m hoping my MAJOR SIN will be worth it in the long run.

This sounds like it’s got the making of a sequel to The Deodorant Debacle.

I am so ‘there’ with you Father. This one has the making of a saga for sure – maybe we’ll have to call it The Fireplace Fiasco.

Well, my Child. I’m going to go easy on you this time and suggest you say 5 Hail Al Gore’s. Let us pray for divine inspiration. And if that doesn't work, I’ll let the women in the lady’s auxiliary know about your challenge. Perhaps one of them has a magic recipe that will get your fireplace glass clean.

Thank you Father. I must admit, I'm praying for a bit of a miracle on this one myself. I really, really want to get my fireplace glass clean. I'm trying so hard not to resort to buying that fireplace glass cleaner in the plastic bottle. But I hear it calling to me....luring me to commit another MAJOR SIN just to have a clean fireplace.

My Child, you must be strong! Do not let the plastic demons lure you back to the dark side. Mother Earth is depending on you.

Plastic free: Juice

It’s summertime. And it’s GlobalWarmingHot in LaLaLand.

If that isn’t bad enough, EnviroWoman has been travelin’. By car. By cab. By bus. By skytrain. By airplane. Confined within four walls and four wheels for hundreds of miles at a time – sometimes crammed in with other hot humans - making the heat even more unbearable.

Naturally, EnviroWoman has been thirsty. But since taking the NoNewPlasticPledge soda pop is outta the question. Milk has also proven to PlasticProblematic. And plastic-bottled water just has MAJOR SIN written all over it.

So EnviroWoman headed to the juice aisle to quench her thirst with liquid joy.

Ever the optimist, EnviroWoman was half-hoping to find the PlasticFreePromisedLand there. But truth be known, EnviroWoman is also a hard core realist and half-expected to find plastic, plastic everywhere and not a drop to drink.

The realist won.

Almost everything is packaged in plastic on the juice aisle. Makes sense....lighter weight....less breakable.

And if juice isn’t in plastic bottles, then it’s in tetra-paks, which contain a layer of plastic. Even cans of tomato or pineapple juice have a thin interior liner of plastic laquer. (You know, the whole ‘plastic lining inside’ thingy is really starting to get tedious isn’t it?)

Even EnviroWoman’s absolute fav, fav, fav, powdered Good Host Lemon Iced Tea (which ironically, is best served hot), has a plastic lid crowning the glory of its cardboard and tin container.

The situation was starting to look grim in the juice aisle. Even most jars of the family standby, Welch’s juices, were made of plastic. But like a beacon of hope, they still offered one - White Grape Juice - that came in a glass jar with a metal lid.

Alas, under that little cap rests a thin plastic liner which acts as a seal, so Envirowoman would have to commit a MINOR SIN to buy it and be prepared to add the liner to her plastic shrine. Bottles of Ripena blueberry juice, SunRype, and Hero juices were packaged the same way.

And then there was Crystal Lite, which looked so promising in its pretty little box and paper/foil pouches. Plastic free and low-cal to boot. But aspartame is EnviroWoman’s migraine-inducing nemesis, so even Crystal Lite was off limits.

Fortunately, not all was lost. ‘Cuz lookie there…Koolaid. The packages appear to be paper and foil. Let’s cross our fingers there’s no plastic lining lurking deep inside. Have to research that one. Wow, EnviroWoman hasn’t had Koolaid in years. She’d feel like a kid again. ‘Goodbye Oil of Olay, hello Koolaid!’ Yuppers, Koolaid might really be a plastic-free possibility.

Undaunted by her trip to the juice aisle, Envirowoman hoped she’d find juice crystals at the bulk bin mecca.

So she whistled to her trusty steed, MyLittleCar (who looks slightly sadder and neglected nowadays with that dent in the door), and made the long trek to SuperStore. It was there she hit the plastic-free jackpot. There, in all their BulkBinGlory, live 5 assortments of powdered juice crystals. So she filled one of her handy-dandy reuseable Chinese Take Out boxes to the brim with powdered pink lemonade and rode off into the GlobalWarmingSunset on her mighty steed.

Now discovering powdered juice crystals in the bulk food aisles may be slightly less momentous than the opening of an umbrella in your own life. But for EnviroWoman, who is deeply steeped in the NoNewPlasticPledge, discovering a completely plastic-free alternative is…well…a small victory.

Now, you may be also thinking….'EnviroWoman why not just drink tap water!? ‘Tis true EnviroWoman doesn’t have the mental capacity to split atoms in her spare time, but SweetCheeks, drinking water IS an obvious alternative - even to EnviroWoman.

But sometimes she just wants…a tincture of juicy bliss.

Now, I’ll let you in on a little secret. EnviroWoman is going through a major HorseShoesUpHerButt phase right now. 'Tis true. This could even have the potential to be a lottery-winning lucky streak if she plays her cards right.

And here’s an example of this good karma in action….while holidaying in July, EnviroWoman visited her CountryCousin. When CountryCousin heard about EnviroWoman’s NoNewPlasticPledge she jumped on the no-plastic bandwagon and presented EnviroWoman with an antique juicer. It happened she had three, and even a CountryCousin only needs one. The third one had come into her own life just days before when an uncle had ‘downsized’ during a recent move.

It was sitting there on her kitchen counter, just waiting for a new home. And in walked HorseShoesUpHerButt EnviroWoman.

It’s a big chunk of LittleHouseOnThePrairie metal that serves double duty as a juicer and as a bicep-toner. (Oh my gawd, there may be a new infomercial fitness product in there somewhere. Step aside Suzanne Sommers). It works like a dream, is easy to clean, and let’s EnviroWoman concoct her own homemade juicy delights. Completely plastic-free.

Martha would be so proud.

I mean, really, how karma lucky was that little interlude?

Gotta luv the CountryCousin. Gotta luv my LittleHouseOnThePrairie juicer.

So there you have it. EnviroWoman is all set to quench her thirst.

Hey MomNature, you can bring on those hot summer days now. EnviroWoman is all ready. But please, don’t burn up any more forests.

Anyhoo, here’s how things add up:

Category: Juice
SAINTs: Fresh fruit magically morphed by the LittleHouseOnThePrairie juicer, Powdered no name juice crystals in the bulk bin aisle, potentially small packages of Koolaid, and even Crystal Lite (if you’re okay with aspartame), and if one is willing to commit a MINOR SIN – Welch’s White Grape Juice, Ripena blueberry juice, Lakewood, and SunRype and Hero juices
Price: about the same
Quality: Admittedly, the powdered juice crystals are a bit sub par, but all other options are the same quality as their plastic-packaged counterparts
SINNERs: Nestea, Lipton Iced Tea, Tang, large containers of Koolaid, Country Style Lemonade, Safeway juice crystals and tetrapaks, Sun Rype, Nestea, Minute Maid, Cereo, Dole, Simply Delicious, Just Cranberry, Allen, SunnyD, Ocean Spray, most Welch's, Clamato, Heinz, Simply Nutrious, Santa Cruz, My Organic Bag, Triple Juices, R.W. Knudsen, Bremners, Fruit D'Or, Biota, Kiji, SoNu, Wild, Mornin Glory.

Lessons Learned:

• Life was greener way back when. Ma and Pa Ingalls never had plastic in their LittleHouseOnThePrairie. So if you still want ‘modern convenience’ sometimes rooting around an antique shop can provide you with plastic-free alternatives. Or in EnviroWoman’s case…visiting a CountryCousin.