MAJOR SIN #4

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 8 weeks since my last confession.

Well, well, well, my child. It’s been a long time since you’ve graced this blessed sanctuary. I’m going to take that as a good sign, and assume you’ve been leading a plastic-pious life since I saw you last.

I’ve been giving it the old college try, that’s for sure. But Father, if I had been completely plastic-chaste, I wouldn’t be sitting here in the confessional today, would I?

Good point. So then my child….what is the SIN you have to confess today. No, no, let me guess…..you finally succumbed and bought plastic-packaged mascara, didn’t you?

Oh Father, now you’re making me feel really guilty. I wish I had sinned over something as worthwhile as mascara. Remember my last SIN was so much bigger than mascara – I had bought a new home.

Yes, I remember.

Well the SIN I have to confess today is on the exact opposite end of the spectrum Father. It’s actually quite minuscule in comparison to buying mascara.

Now you have me intrigued my child, do tell, what is the SIN you’ve committed?

I bought replacement razor blades for my paint scraper.

HUH?

You know, those little razor blades that fit into the end of one of those flat metal paint scrapers. I know Father, it so stupid isn’t it! But all my blades were dull, and I was desperate for new ones. But they come packaged in this stupid little plastic case. I searched Home Depot, RONA and the local hardware shops and none of them had a plastic-free option.

And Father, I really, really, really needed these blades. My new home’s gas fireplace door has a thick layer of white mineral gunk which has accumulated over the years. I don’t think it’s ever been cleaned.

Father, you can’t even tell there’s a fireplace behind the glass, it’s that bad. So I bought the blades so I could scrape the crud off.

Oh my child, we use a special cleaner here in the rectory to clean our fireplace glass, couldn’t you have just bought that.

I could have Father, but all those cleaners come in plastic bottles. I was trying hard to not commit a SIN. In fact, I tried vinegar, lemon juice, toothpaste, baking soda, erasers, and even some CLR I had left over from the pre-plastic pledge year of 2006. I even borrowed a professional steamer. And nuts, none of them worked. That white mineral crud is stubborn stuff.

So as a last resort I bought razor blades. I figured the little bit of plastic in that stupid razor blade plastic case was better than all the plastic in a bottle of fireplace cleaner.

I mean Father, I have to think of my plastic shrine. Did I want a big white bottle in there, or a little tiny plastic case? I opted for the plastic case.

Well my child, it sounds like you did give it the good old college. Did you at least get your fireplace glass clean?

Well, the sad truth is, the scraper blades didn’t work either. So I committed my SIN needlessly. But – looking on the bright side - at least I can use my paint scraper blades when I start painting my new home. So I’m hoping my MAJOR SIN will be worth it in the long run.

This sounds like it’s got the making of a sequel to The Deodorant Debacle.

I am so ‘there’ with you Father. This one has the making of a saga for sure – maybe we’ll have to call it The Fireplace Fiasco.

Well, my Child. I’m going to go easy on you this time and suggest you say 5 Hail Al Gore’s. Let us pray for divine inspiration. And if that doesn't work, I’ll let the women in the lady’s auxiliary know about your challenge. Perhaps one of them has a magic recipe that will get your fireplace glass clean.

Thank you Father. I must admit, I'm praying for a bit of a miracle on this one myself. I really, really want to get my fireplace glass clean. I'm trying so hard not to resort to buying that fireplace glass cleaner in the plastic bottle. But I hear it calling to me....luring me to commit another MAJOR SIN just to have a clean fireplace.

My Child, you must be strong! Do not let the plastic demons lure you back to the dark side. Mother Earth is depending on you.