Plastic free: Frozen Pizza
I have a confession to make. And no, it’s not another MAJOR SIN.
Let me premise the murky, mucky, dirty details by saying EnviroWoman likes to think she lives her life to high moral standards. Sure, she’s had momentary lapses. Road rage. Revenge fantasies. White lies. Plastic purchases. But for the most part…she travels life with a clean slate and a clear conscious.
But now…with a Scarlett Letter….
You see, EnviroWoman has been having an adulterous love affair….with Dr. Oetker.
And this has been one crazy kinda love….the stuff of Pulitzer Prize winning Harlequin Romances.
I still remember the exact moment I caught my first cosmic-fated, soul-mated ‘where have you been all my life’ glimpse of him right there in Safeway’s frozen food aisle. From that instant, I surrendered my body, soul, and wallet over to him.
I was smitten. Big time.
Our dangerous liaisons were hot….torrid….broiling…lip-burning secret encounters. I made him melt. And he….he was literally consumed by my passionate embraces.
I’ll confess – he was even better than MyMcDreamy. He was….MyMcSteamy!
The WiseVoiceInside said ‘He’s no good for me.’ Girl friends told me ‘What are you thinking? He’s 18% fat. Get rid of him!’ But I pulled the wool right over my own eyes, in that love-is-blind kind of way.
My appetite was insatiable. I wanted him so, so bad. Even if it meant becoming a JennyGirl.
When he started to demand more, I was still putty in his hands. First he asked ‘2 for $8’. Then $4.69 for one. Then $5.39, Then $6.49. Always testing my devotion. In a 'take-advantage' kinda way. And still, I remained his faithful mistress.
But today, as I reached into the freezer and took out the very, very, very last box of Dr. Oetker’s frozen Ristorante pizzas left over from 2006, I realized this illicit liaison was coming to an end. Because that hunka hunka o’ burnin’ love comes packaged in plastic.
Today, after one last passionate fling, I gave Dr. Oetker the love-punt…right into the recycling bin. He and I are splitzville. I won't be bringing him home again. World’sBestMom will never be able to proudly claim “My daughter is marrying a doctor.”
We are now officially ‘ex’s. Star-crossed lovers.
There will be no more day-dreaming about him at work….rushing home…ripping off my coat…throwing open the freezer door…the heat of those 12 minutes at 425 degrees…No more delicious climatic embraces with ‘Big O’. No more devouring him with my love.
Alas, I am the dumper. He…the dumpee. I’ve told him ‘It’s me. Not you.’ You see, I’ve just outgrown him. I need something more….something better….something plastic-free. I’ve raised my standards. I’ve come to my senses. I’ve taken the ‘no-new-plastic-pledge’. So I’m washing Dr. Oetker right outta my hair.
As Elizabeth Bennet would say…'Go, Go, I would not wish you back again.'
Now don’t think you have to lay the ‘plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea’ hollow platitudes on me. I’m totally ‘Okay’ with an empty freezer. Besides, my pizza celibacy will be short-lived. (Not that I intend to go on the prowl again back at the Safeway frozen food aisle, because all of Dr. Oetker’s friends are the same plastic-packaged-at-the-core-scoundrels he was.)
You see my sweets, it’s fresh pizza only from this moment forward for EnviroWoman. And luckily, there’s a pizzeria just 52 steps away from her front door. She’s already been eyeing the new hunky plastic-free GreekOdonis there. You should see the size of his tomatoes. (Don’t tell MyMcDreamy).
So here’s how things add up:
Lessons Learned:Category: Frozen Pizza
SAINT: Your local pizzeria that serves fresh, fresh, fresh.
Price: A bit more expensive.
Quality: Debatable. Dr. Oetker's was pretty special. Thin crust. Not too fattening. Low cal. Satiating, but not stuffing. And there when you want him, at your beck and call, no matter if it's even the wee morning hours (Can’t you tell, I don’t have him out of my system yet).
SINNER: Any frozen pizza by McCain, Kraft, Del Maestro, Dr. Oetker, Safeway Select, or whatever brands reside in your local frozen food aisle.
- Fresh is better than frozen 'cuz frozen food is in bed with the plastic-devil.
- WiseVoiceInside is always right. Pay attention to it. Heed its warnings. It is the closest thing we humans have to ‘natural instinct’. Girl friends are good too.
- It is better to have an empty freezer and be able to live with oneself, than have a full freezer and be a plague on the planet and to those you love.
