MAJOR SIN #2

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned again. It’s been 2 months since my last confession.

And what is the sin you have to confess this time, my child?

Well, Father, this year I’ve pledged to live plastic-free. As an atonement for being a nature-consuming-resource-sucking human being.

All was going fine. I was avoiding buying or letting anything into my life that contained or was packaged in plastic. Oh sure, there were small bits of plastic that surreptitiously sneaked into my home, on clothing and stuff. But for the most part I was staying true to my vow of plastic-celibacy.

But Father, one thing I was really having problems with was – body odour.

I had found a totally plastic-free deodorant at LUSH, and was using it faithfully, but quite honestly Father, it didn’t work. I stunk - and sweat - to high heaven. Co-workers were beginning to notice. Clothes were being ruined.

So I committed my first MAJOR SIN Father, way back in January, and bought a new deodorant that came packaged in plastic…. Nature’s Gate Spring Fresh Deodorant.

Yes child, I remember. You confessed your sin to me at that time. But child, I need to perform a wedding in ½ hour so why don’t you just cut to the chase, and tell me what the sin is you want to confess today.

Well, Father. It turns out, Nature’s Gate deodorant wasn’t any better. I still stunk. I still sweat. I still had ring-around the armpit. And Father, this was the first time in my life this had ever happened to me. And it wasn’t stress at work. Or way-way-early-onset Hot-Flash-Menopause, either Father.

I went back to LUSH and tried every non-plastic deodorant they had, on the recommendation of people who made comments on one of my blogs. All to no avail.

So I sinned again Father, and resorted to buying my usual deodorant Doves Cool Essentials. It comes packaged in a big wad of plastic, that’s not even recyclable. I feel terrible. But at least I don’t stink or sweat anymore. All is dry on the armpit front, finally.

My child, this is a serious MAJOR SIN indeed. I am deeply shocked. You have fallen right off your high and mighty polyethylene pulpit.

Yes Father, I know. I hang my head in shame. I know my credibility and conviction appear to be melting like a snow cone in Hell.

Have you fallen off your no-plastic pledge completely, then?

No Father. I continue to live my life plastic-free. Failure will not stop me. It just makes me stronger. In fact Father, initially I thought I would only make the plastic-free pledge for the first 90 days of 2007, but now I have decided to do it for the full year.

That is good, my child. It is true, both you and I are only human. But it is also true, that through the pledges we both have made, we aspire to be Higher Humans and set the example for others. So your penance today is to say 5 Hail-David-Suzukis, and 5 Hail-Al-Gores....And you must kiss my rosary.

I can’t Father, it’s made of plastic….

Oh, you're right. Okay then, just go forth and continue to preach the Gospel of Plastic-Free.