Plastic free: Pretzels
Hello, my name is EnviroWoman and I’m a plasticholic. ‘Welcome EnviroWoman.’
‘Way to go EnviroWoman!’ says a voice at the back of the room.
Everything was going along tickety-boo. No shakes, no withdrawal symptoms, no saturated fat lost-weekend benders. Nope. No junk food for a whole 260 days and 18 hours. (Not that I was counting.)
To be honest, I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t 72 pounds - all those calories saved by being plastic-sober. It must have been all that chocolate I was eating instead. Which of course, as we all know, is SO NOT junk food!
Anyhoo, I think it was the moment I realized I was only 3 weeks away from my 6-month plastic-sobrietry pin that I started to get serious salty-crunchy cravings.
‘Stay strong sister’, says that same encouraging voice from the crowd.
Your encouragement is appreciated, brother. When I could feel my will power slipping, I spent some time in quiet reflection reviewing the powerful and inspiring Twelve Steps of PlasticHolics Anonymous. I’d like you to all join me in reciting them.
The group declares in unison:
We as plasticholics:
- Admitted we were powerless over plastic — that our recycling bins had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that we had the Power and the Responsibility to restore the world to eco-sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our lives over to the care of Mother Earth as we understood Her.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our plastic-filled lives.
- Admitted to Mother Earth, to ourselves, and to other blog-reading human beings, the exact nature of our plastic-wrongs.
- Were entirely ready to take the no-new-plastic-pledge.
- Humbly made steps to remove plastic from our lives.
- Made a list of all areas of Mother Earth we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct steps to choose plastic-free wherever possible, except when to do so would cause death or harm to animals.
- Continued to take a personal plastic inventory and when we made wrong purchases promptly admitted it and changed our ways.
- Sought, through refusing plastic, to reduce our eco-footprint on Mother Earth as we understood Her, hoping that by doing so we can help restore her to her former glory.
- Having had an eco-awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other plasticholics, to help them practice these principles in their own lives.
I’m proud to say my resolve was renewed, and my willpower restored. I had resisted temptation.
‘We knew you could do it sister’. There it is again, that same deep baritone voice from the crowd. (Hmmm, note to self, check that guy out after the meeting, he’s kinda cute, in a plastic-deprived sorta way).
Thank you brother. I have to say, the world works in mysterious ways. While I was shopping the bulk-food bin section at SuperStore this weekend I came across, wonder of wonders…pretzels.
And not just those runty little stick pretzels, but those honkin’ huge 5-inch loopy suckers – that have crunch galore. And salt galore. It couldn't have gotten any better if they had been chocolate coated!
At last, EnviroWoman had found plastic-free junk food!!!
Needless to say, I’ve been on a pretzel binge all week long. So please join me at the back of the room after the meeting for pretzels and coffee.
‘Meeting adjourned’ yells cute, plastic-deprived guy.
There's a stampede to the back of the room and the crunch-fest begins.
Category: Pretzels
SAINT: No name brand in the bulk food bins at Super Store
Price: Same
Quality: Same
SINNERS: Rold Gold, Old Dutch, Humpty Dumpty, Benzels, Kraft, Snyders
Lessons Learned:
- In moments of weakness, review your 12-step pledge. Mother Nature is depending on you to commit, body, mind, and soul to overcoming your addictions to plastic, oil, consumption, food, and all things un-necessary and planet un-friendly.
- Pay attention to those who cheer you on. They're in your corner. They want to see you succeed, 'cuz they're hoping when you do, you'll in turn cheer them onto success too. Kinda like an Eco-Quid-Pro-Quo.
