Monday, January 8, 2007

Plastic free: Meat Substitutes

There I was, standing like a deer staring-into-the-crosshairs, thinking “GO AHEAD, Just PULL THE TRIGGER and PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY”. At that moment I think I could feel all my B-vitamins bleeding right out onto the floor of Safeway’s produce aisle.


It was my first grocery shopping trip since going ‘plastic-free’ and EnviroWoman was on a primal hunt for protein. As a strict vegetarian that meant the prey were unsuspecting Simulated Chick’n Nuggets and Tofu Dogs. Poor simulated beasts.

The Veggie Patch package was already in the crosshairs of my scope when what to my wondering eyes should appear…could it be…Noooooo!…IT WAS!…plastic. HOLY CRAP. There’s plastic everywhere!

In fact, they are ALL packaged in plastic. They are ALL SINNERs. The whole dang herd. Not a SAINT in sight.

“Stay calm, EnviroWoman. THINK! Hmmmm. AH HA! I can get all Martha Stewart and make my own veggie burgers using tofu!” I set my sights on the forest of soy protein. “SHOOT! Plastic, plastic, everywhere.”

The situation was hopeless.

How could the Powers That Be do this to me! It’s bad enough I have the EnviroWoman curse! It’s bad enough I am the only person I know born with the Cruelty-Free Chromosome. But this…this is just too, too inhumane.

I must choose between killing animals or killing the planet.

Well, I refuse to choose. I recognize this is just the Powers That Be testing me. After all, it was January 7th, and 95% of the population had already broken their New Year’s resolutions. But not Envirowoman.

I spend the next two hours trekking my realm hunting for fresh, unpackaged tofu. Then….victory!

The homemade Tofu burgers are fryin’ up on the grill as I write this. Be proud Martha, be very, very proud.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Meat Substitutes

SAINT: Sunrise Foods (fresh unpackaged tofu sold by the gram at my local organic food store)
Convenience: 3/10 (ya gotta cook plus only available in ‘firm’ texture)
Price: Comparable to packaged tofu, price of homemade vs. conveniently prepacked TBD
Quality: The same
SINNER: Sunrise Foods (all packaged tofu), and all products from the following: Yves Veggie Cuisine, Veggie Patch, SoyOrganic, Pete’s Tofu, Superior, Galaxy Nutritional Foods, Mandarin Soy Foods, and Mountain Foods. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Folks, after all these years of product loyalty, you’ve really let me down.
Lessons Learned:

  • Like chocolate, MEAT SUBSTITUTES have an unholy union with PLASTIC, mankind’s plague on the planet
  • It is rarely possible to achieve the Goldilocks nirvana of ‘just right’.
  • In life, it is important to recognize the difference between situations where your resolve is being tested by the Powers That Be (don’t give up), versus situations that are utterly hopeless (give up).
  • Choosing a plastic-free lifestyle will force you to get more in-touch with your ‘inner-Martha'.