Plastic free: Pens

I don’t remember the last time I bought a pen. I get them for free at professional events. I even inherited a life-time supply from a tech firm that belly-upped during the dot-com-crash.

Pens are prolific in EnviroWoman’s life. I have so many pens I don’t even need to buy refills. When a pen dries up…it’s retired to the pen-stash-drawer, and I move on to the next one. This drawer, I am ashamed to confess holds 89 pens.

Yes, 89. Stupid, isn’t it? My own dirty little secret. I mean really, what family needs that many pens? Not one. It’s a fine example of excess consumption. And what’s even worse, at least ½ are single-use-pens, intended to be thrown out after they dry up and added to the 10 billion non-degradable plastic pens tossed to the landfills each year worldwide.

And of all my 89 pens, only 4 make it through the golden-gates of no-new-plastic land. Yes, only 4. That's less than 5% of my stash. Of these:

• Three are all-metal Cross pens bestowed upon EnviroWoman by appreciative CEOs and TheWorldsBestMom. They’re the pen equivalent of ‘good china’, always stowed away in their posh boxes, never seeing the light of day because they seem ‘too expensive’ for everyday use.
• The fourth, is a completely compostable corn-based pen made of WickedWitchoftheNorthBioplastic… which Vancity gave EnviroWoman when she won the ViaLaResolution contest. This one is intended to be composted after its gone dry.

The rest of my pen horde, all made of plastic…are doomed victims of TheUrgeToPurge – either packed away or given away.

So now EnviroWoman uses her ‘good china’ pens for everyday use. And she’s noticed something. When you use an expensive pen you get a bit paranoid about abusing it. And losing it. You hang onto it as if your nimble digits have morphed into raptor-talons. You treat it differently…because who wants to lose a $70 pen? And you know…that’s probably a really good thing.

Let’s face it….cheapo pens are less precious. We don’t guard them with raptor-talons. No, if they go wayward, no big deal…just dip into the pen-stash drawer for another. Or, throw them away, like we’re supposed to.

EnviroWoman wondered, could she limit herself for the rest of the year, or better yet...for life, to these 4 pens? Well...almost. But the fact is....she needs two for work, two for home, one for the car, and one for the purse.

And so EnviroWoman found herself needing to buy pens, for the first time in a long time.

It wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be.

She found only one all-metal pen (including the cartridge)…‘The Space Pen’ favored by astronauts and meat packers (you’re MensaMaterial if you can figure out that last one…go ahead – give it a guess). It writes in zero gravity, underwater, on wet surfaces, in blazing heat and freezing cold and at any angle. Alas, the Space Pen is packaged in plastic, as is the refill.

And that’s the trouble in pen land…almost every pen has a small amount of plastic in the cartridge (even the 3 Cross pens from EnviroWoman’s pen-stash-drawer), or the pen or refill comes packaged in plastic. Other than using a pencil, there doesn’t seem to be a way around it. And you know and I both know, you can’t sign cheques, invoices and contracts with a pencil.

EnviroWoman went a-hunting…in big box stores, in stationery boutiques and art stores, and finally to a specialty pen shop. She settled on:

• a $6 St. Tropez Petites by Marvy…a teeny little pen perfect for the car…no packaging whatsoever and just a small amount of plastic in the cartridge and the stylus
• a zowie yellow $48 Tornado by Retro 1951 (comes in a cardboard box, with an all metal tube case…perfect for stashing the pen in my purse along with my prismacolor pencil crayons and china markers that have replaced my highlighters, yipee)

This means, that although EnviroWoman has to commit a MINOR SIN when buying a pen (‘cuz they have those niggly lit bits of plastic in the cartridge), she’s probably going to have to commit a MAJOR SIN when she has to buy a refill (because they are packaged in plastic). But, she’ll cross that bridge when she needs to.

But the whole exercise of purging the pen stash drawer and using her ‘good china’ pens has made EnviroWoman gain a whole new appreciation for pens. There was even a mind-shift from ‘throwaway’ to ‘use for a lifetime’.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Pens

SAINT: Some, but not all of pens offered by: Cross, Sheaffer, Triad, Olympian, Sigma, Waterman, Blass, Parker

Price: Way more expensive, but hey, you're worth it. So is the planet

Quality: Ink, the same. The pen body, the same to better

SINNER: Any of the cheapos by Bic, Sheaffer, Paper mate, Sanford, Pilot (EnviroWoman used to luv, luv, luv their Precise Rollerballs), Zebras, Pentel, etc. Especially those designed for single-use (can't buy a refill)

Lessons Learned:

• Plastic stuff equals cheap stuff which equals disposable stuff which equals no appreciation for stuff. And voila, we end up with a throw-away society. With too much consumption. And too much garbage. And a disposable mentality. And herein lies one of the big problems with our society. You know if we had to pay more for stuff, we’d be more frugal…and careful. And use less of MotherNature. (There EnviroWoman goes again folks….waxing philosophically from her soapbox)

If you know of any other ‘no-plastic’ pens, especially those that are ‘true-blues’ with ABSOLUTLEY no plastic in the cartridge, the refill or in any packaging, please let EnviroWoman and the rest of us know.

Plastic free: Toilet Paper

Hey, squeeze this Mr. Wimple! EnviroWoman is talking toilet paper.

Admit it…you’ve been waiting for it.

As early as January 1st, when the no-new-plastic pledge was made, EnviroWoman knew finding plastic-free TP was going to be a challenge.

For months people had told EnviroWoman…'You’ll find paper-packaged TP at Capers’ LaLaLand's mecca for all things new-age organic. But everytime she went…there was never any in sight. Maybe they were there and EnviroWoman was blind, or having blonde moments…or maybe those elusive rolls had Frodo’s magic cloak that made them suddenly invisible.

And yet, in the bathroom stalls of CorporateCanada EnviroWoman kept seeing paper covered rolls of TP…so she knew it existed.

Finally, the TP gods smiled down upon EnviroWoman. A visit to Capers proved lucky….a single roll of Seventh Generation (100% recycled, no-chlorine bleach, 1000 sheets/1 ply) packaged in paper. But oooee the stuff was pricey, $1.39 a roll. And right next to it…paper-wrapped Main Street TP (100% recycled, 500 sheets/2 ply). Cheaper at $.89 a roll.

She struck the TP motherlode again at Dan-d-Market. There she found April Soft (100% recycled, chlorine-bleach free, 500 sheets/2 ply, and the only one to carry the Environmental Choice logo) and EcoSoft (100% recycled, 500 sheets/2 ply) both for $.99 a roll.

That was still all pretty pricey compared to the 30-roll plastic-packaged Scott Premium stuff at Costco at only $.56 a roll.

So EnviroWoman started hunting janitorial supply places and finally found one (Amre Supply) that sells to the general public and that carried the same Main Street TP found at Capers but in boxes of 48 rolls, at a cost of just $.63 a roll.

EnviroWoman has to admit. She’s a bit surprised there is this much choice for plastic-free toilet paper. Especially when it seemed to be such an elusive beast for so long. Maybe the no-plastic gods are smiling down upon her. (Hey, could you gods send me some plastic-free mascara….please, oh pretty please).

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Toilet Paper
SAINT: Seventh Generation, April Soft, Main Street, EcoSoft
Quality: Not as plush as Scott Premium from Costco…but hey, you’re only wiping your butt with it…do you really NEED something cushy-plush for that. Is your butt worth cutting down old growth forests for?)
Price: More expensive
SINNERS: Charmin, Cascades, Purex, Safeway Recycled, Safeway Select, Basic Red, Purex, Royale, and even Seventh Generation multi-pack….all packaged in plastic.

Lessons Learned:

• Shop in new places. The supermarket isn’t the only place to shop for everyday things. Sometimes they’re even cheaper in places that cater to businesses rather than the general public.

Brain food:

Okay, usually EnviroWoman ends her posts here. But I know alot of folks care deeply about their toilet paper. And although EnviroWoman has to balance buying plastic-free with other green morals, some of you folks have other 'deciding factors'. So I'm gonna point you in the direction of two good sources to help you make better choices about paper you use in the loo.

• Environmental Choice certified Toilet Paper (which likes April Soft and Main Street [SCA], but doesn't mention Seventh Generation) based on these criteria:

1. Load points assessment for resource consumption, energy consumption, COD, TEF and net sold waste (huh?)
2. Manufacturing effluent content restrictions
3. Use of wood fibres from certified sustainable sources

• Greenpeace's Ancient Forest-Friendly Tissue Products Guide (which likes April Soft and Seventh Generation but doesn't mention Main Street) based on these criteria:

1. Ancient and endangered forest friendly
2. High recycled and/or alternative fibre content
3. Produced without chlorine

Feel free to post a comment of any good sources you have too for brands found in your part of the planet. Especially you Brits and Aussies that read this blog.

Eye Candy: Plastic Pics

EnviroWoman is a visual animal. Sometimes understanding the magnitude of numbers overwhelms her. Just how many is 500 billion plastic bags anyway? (the number consumed worldwide every year)

Well, Chris Jordan has come to the rescue…without even knowing who EnviroWoman is.

His Running the Numbers photographs give EnviroWoman visual understanding of the magnitude of our addiction with not only plastic but also office paper, paper bags, cigarettes, cell phones and more.

Very cool stuff. EnviroWoman hopes you check it out.

Here’s what 60,000 plastic bags looks like, the number used in the US every five seconds. Only 1% of plastic bags get recycled.

Click on the picture to visit Chris’ site and see more detailed pictures.

This next picture depicts 2 million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes. Depending on the statistic you find…between 10-25% get recycled.

EnviroWoman finds these pictures profound. And disturbing. How about you?

Maybe every fast food restaurant and shopping mall should be forced to mount these pictures on their walls…to drive home the message to consumers.

Brain Food: Plastic Ocean

People ask EnviroWoman “What have you got against plastic?”

Well, it bugs me that almost every piece of plastic ever made still exists and will for who knows how long. We assume it just ends up in landfills… ‘so hey, no big deal’. But it doesn’t. Often it ends up in our wild areas….and in our oceans where it can have disastrous effects.

That’s why EnviroWoman recommends you take 20 minutes out of your life and read a pretty fabulous (and scary) article…Plastic Ocean. It’s a great read with sad, sad pictures too.

It starts by introducing you to the North Pacific subtropical gyre, a 10-million-square-mile area 800 miles north of Hawaii in the Pacific Ocean. It’s very calm water, so garbage that makes it’s way there accumulates. Scientists call it the “Eastern Garbage Patch” and the trail of plastic trash goes on for hundreds of miles covering an area twice the size of Texas.

Minuscule pieces of plastic, some barely visible to the eye, are everywhere and the water contains six times as much plastic (by weight) as it does plankton. Isn’t that super super scary?

The plastic makes its way into the food chain and is consumed by whales to zooplankton where it disrupts gene activity, digestion, and causes cancer. Seabirds wash ashore in startling numbers, their bodies packed with plastic, things like bottle caps, cigarette lighters, tampon applicators. (One animal dissected contained 1,603 pieces of plastic.).

More than a million seabirds, 100,000 marine mammals, and countless fish die in the North Pacific each year, either from mistakenly eating plastic garbage or from being ensnared in it and drowning.

And it gets worse…

The North Pacific gyre is only one of five such zones in the oceans. Together, they cover 40% of the sea, one-quarter of the earth’s surface…that means 25 percent of our planet is ‘a toilet that never flushes.'

The article then introduces you to the scary world of plastic after-effects from phthaltes, bisphenol A and BPAs and how they affect not just wildlife, and lab rats…but you.

Ya gotta read it sweets…Plastic Ocean.

EnviroWoman recommends you watch this great video too, by Cryptic Moth…on the same subject.

Plastic free: CFL Light Bulbs

I know, I know…you’re thinking…'EnviroWoman this is a no-brainer. Of course you’re buying Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs. They use 60% less energy. They last up to 15 times longer. Every Green Guide on the planet evangelizes them as being an energy saver. And energy saviour. I think they may even be able to walk on water.'

Well, life is full of ironies. And this is one of them.

And we’re not talking an itsy-bitsy paramecium-sized irony. We’re talking a big, honkin’ Godzilla Meets Tyrannosaurus Rex-sized irony.

Yup, get ready for it….you know what’s coming….CFL light bulbs are packaged in plastic.

And not just an innocuous bit of plastic that EnviroWoman could excuse as a MINOR SIN.

But a big, bad wad of plastic. You know the stuff I’m talking about….the hard clear kind that entombs its precious cargo. The kind called ‘blister pak’…oh, so appropriately and ironically named.

The kind that has no customer-friendly ‘tear here’ pull tabs to save your precious digits.

The kind you have to do battle with. That breaks xacto-knife blades and dulls stainless steel scissors.

The kind that puts you in such an instant fit of rage TheBeast goes scrambling for cover.

The kind that if you were into conspiracy theories you would swear was an evil retail plot to prevent you from ever returning another light bulb, printer cartridge, or computer accessory ‘in its original packaging’ as so often is required.

The kind that if you were really really into conspiracy theories you would swear was an evil plot to secretly decrease the human population by making a person’s blood pressure go from 120/80 to 210/120 in sixty seconds…boiling so high they keel over dead right there on the spot.

And it gets worse. The kind of plastic that doesn’t even have a recycling code on it…so it can’t be thrown into our recycling blue boxes.

Yuppers, it’s gotta go in the garbage only to take decades and decades to degrade.

A veritable sheep in wolf’s clothing.

A SAINT dressed as a SINNER.

Ironic isn’t it?

EnviroWoman was so heart-wrenched by this revelation she was moved to wax poetically...

Do not go gentle into that good light,
Eco-agers should rant and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the plastic packaging plight.

Though EnviroWoman in her heart knows CFL is right,
Because her pledge has forced a no-new plastic way
She can not go gentle into that good light.

Rage, rage against the plastic packaging plight.

Well, its not quite as good as Dylan Thomas but ya get my point.

By now you’re probably thinking…'Holy crap, EnviroWoman is gonna have to commit a whole new category of eco-sin and buy the lowly standard light bulb.’

Ah, but you know EnviroWoman is as persistent as the Pope is catholic.

She searched The Bay, and Sears, and London Drugs, and Shoppers Drug Mart...and finally googled and was steered towards Canadian Tire. There she found a cardboard packaged CFL bulb produced my Noma. Gotta love the Noma...they got it right. Gotta love the Canadian Tire....they got it right too.

EnviroWoman can now rid herself of rage, rage...and return to her normal GiddyZen state.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: CFL lightbulbs
SAINT: Noma
Price: The same
Quality: The same
SINNER: Phillips, Duramax, Globe, (well, that's not very green of you guys)

Lessons Learned:

Sometimes the greenies get it wrong. They try to enlighten us, but sometimes we have to enlighten them. Philips, Duramax, Globe…you’re gonna hear from EnviroWoman.

Plastic free: Pop #3

The SodaSaga continues...

It started when EnviroWoman switched from Pepsi in a plastic bottle to Pepsi in a can when she took the no-new-plastic pledge on January 1st. Then Anonymous enlightened EnviroWoman by commenting that Pepsi cans have an inner lining of plastic. So it was back to square one.

Over the last couple of weeks EnviroWoman has been searching for Pepsi replacements.

She tried Henry Weinhard’s Black Cherry Cream, Real Brew Draft Rootbeer, Boylan Bottleworks Root Beer, Koala, Stewart's Root Beer, and Jones Soda.

It looks like a veritable garden of soda options doesn’t it? Soda pop heaven, right?

Alas, not so. None were NirvanaPopPerfect.

Although all were refreshing, in EnviroWoman’s opinion none could beat Pepsi in a TasteTestChallenge. Plus, all were double the price.

Stewart's had a plastic label (buying it was a total brain fart). On the plus side, Boylan’s Root beer didn’t even have a label, just ink right on the bottle, though it did come with a cardboard 4-pack carrier which added to its packaging.

EnviroWoman was really leaning towards Jones Soda, because of their cool marketing featuring customers’ photos on the labels. Plus their bottles had screw on metal lids, rather than caps, which meant EnviroWoman could re-use the bottles for her EarthQuake Preparedness H20 stash.

But it was while EnviroWoman was washing out and refilling one of the Jones Soda bottles, that she discovered to her horror….a little blue plastic liner nestled inside the cap. You know, like the ones that usually say ‘Sorry, Try Again’ but in Jones Soda’s case ironically says ‘Fortune smiles upon you at this time'. (Yeah, it's ironic, but it's still a nice surprise to see such a positive message under a bottle cap...gotta luv the Jone's Soda)

EnviroWoman checked the caps from the other bottles….Koala had the same blue liner…but no feel-good message. Boylan’s and Real Brew didn’t have liners…but did have something that looked suspiciously like plastic fused to its underside.

Crap, crap, crap and triple crap.

Of course, all this makes sense…the plastic liners help seal the liquid in.

EnviroWoman has to admit, although she could legitimately exclaim ‘Who knew!’ about the liner in the Pepsi can…she knew, knew, knew there was plastic under those lids. She’d been told plenty of times ‘Sorry, Try Again’. But that fact had just drifted out of her consciousness each time she made her soda purchase. Proof positive that sometimes EnviroWoman isn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

Now…here’s the kicker…EnviroWoman bets the amount of plastic under the caps is equal in mass/volume/weight to the plastic used in the liner of a Pepsi can. It's the old 'half a dozen of one, six of the other' dilemma.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Soda Pop (in this part of the SodaSaga, we mean Pepsi alternatives)
SAINT: None. They all use plastic to some extent
Price: Double
Quality: Not as good as Pepsi, but they’d do just fine if you were stranded in the Sahara
SINNER: Alas, all of ‘em

Lessons Learned:

• Fortune Smiles Upon You at This Time. Giving up pop isn’t the end of the world. EnviroWoman’s life, and yours, is still filled with an abundance of good things to be grateful for – like chocolate! 'Tis true....EnviroWoman can give up anything, if she can just keep on eating chocolate.
• Sorry, Try Again. Thomas Edison made 700 failed attempts at the light bulb. And then...magic! EnviroWoman just has to keep on trying to turn the SodaSaga into a SodaSuccess...or I could just go to a restaurant and ask for Pepsi in a glass!

Plastic free: Highlighters

Friends. Family. We are gathered here today to pay our final respects to YellowHighlighter.

A devoted and faithful companion to EnviroWoman for many, many years YellowHighlighter shared her love of reading, reconciling bank statements, and drawing on TheBeast’s nose.

He was her ever-constant StudyBuddy through 14 years of post secondary school and even accompanied her into the hallowed halls of CorporateCanada.

And she…well she was as equally devoted to YellowHighlighter... buying him by the Costco-boxful to ensure he was always close at hand. She took him everywhere. And when he paled from exhaustion, she would replenish his ink to renew his purpose in life.

I asked her once what she loved about YellowHighlighter and her answer was simple, as true love often is…“He fills my life with color. He helps me focus on what’s really important.”

So devoted was she, that when YellowHighlighter was on his deathbed, the yellow drained out of him, and now just a mere hunk of plastic compared to his former self, EnviroWoman despaired “There will never be another.”

And indeed, life will never be the same for EnviroWoman.

And we, her family and friends, must rally around her in this time of despair and no-plastic adjustment. When she reaches for her life-long companion YellowHighlighter, we must offer her ballpoint pens and pencil crayons instead.

We must remind her that his memory will go on forever, and indeed, so will his body since he’s made of non-biodegradable plastic.

After the service, please join us at the LocalLandfill where we will lay YellowHighlighter’s body for its final rest, as it does not appear to be recyclable.

And now my friends, please turn to page 22 of your hymnals and raise your voices in celebration of a life that once was…and EnviroWoman’s life that is now reborn…plastic-free.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see….

Rest in Peace YellowHighlighter. Rest in No-Plastic-Peace my friend.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Highlighters
SAINT: The good old ball point pen (I’m using my all metal Cross pen) and have dug into my supply of Prismacolor pencil crayons (why didn’t I ever think of this before?)
Price: Way cheaper
Quality: Not quite as pretty and colorful…but really, who cares…you’re just marking up paper
SINNER: All highlighters, especially the ones that are not refillable. Stabilo, Roundedge, Accent, Sanford, Eberhard Faber

Lessons learned:

• Think outside the box. There is more than one way to bring color into your life.
• Think outside disposables. Let’s face it, we live in a disposable society. Everything seems throw-a-away now adays…But here’s the kicker…the one thing that isn’t disposable is the planet. We gotta start refusing disposables.
• Stop being blind. Start seeing. Stop being lost. Get found. (that doesn't sound right does it?...but you know what I mean). Either we change our ways and start trying to create HeavenOnEarth, or the planet goes to hell in a hand basket and takes us along with it. (Rightly so, too)
  
  

Plastic free: Pop #2

For years EnviroWoman proudly proclaimed “I belong to the Pepsi Generation”….even after giving up plastic. I just resorted to drinking Pepsi from a can so I could still count myself among the CokeCounterCulture, but still live plastic-free.

But Anonymous has changed all that....He/she left a comment letting me know that aluminum pop cans have a lining of plastic inside, like some evil bogeyman lurking in a deep dark soda well, ready to snatch small children and EnviroWoman when they come for a drink.

‘Tis true! The pic here is proof positive. Freaky isn’t it?

Hop on over to Steven Spangler’s Science for full details. But here is EnviroWoman’s ColesNotes version…(wow…this takes me back to my organic chemistry days).

The ScienceWizards took an empty pop can, sanded the paint off the outside of it, then immersed it in a beaker of corrosive sodium hydroxide. About 2 hours later, the aluminum had been eaten away from the outside of the can….showing the interior plastic liner.

EnviroWoman had two questions when I saw this pic:

1. Why oh why is there a plastic liner? In addition to carbonated water, caffeine, colors, preservatives, and sweeteners, my beloved Pepsi also contains phosphoric and citric acids. This makes it quite acidic (Pepsi has a pH of about 2.5-3.0 compared to the less acidic orange juice at 3.4 to 4.0). Without a plastic lining the Pepsi would gradually corrode/rust the can from the inside-out giving the beverage a metallic taste and shortening its shelf life. To prevent this, the inside of aluminum cans are sprayed with a thin protective layer of plastic. (Let’s hope it’s not a grade 3 or 7 plastic which are nasty suckas)
2. How come there is still metal at the top and bottom of the can? Turns out 2 types of aluminum are used in making the can. The main body is from a Grade 3 alloy, but the tops and bottom use a heavier Grade 5 alloy (with higher levels of magnesium and manganese) making it more resistant to corrosion and damage.

What does this mean for EnviroWoman?

Wahhhh! I can no longer be a member of the Pepsi generation – at least for 2007.

So since April I’ve been hunting for, and taste-testing, plastic-free bevy alternatives and will report my findings in a future post.

But here is a quandry….and perhaps you can help me solve it. Do I count the liners in those 12 cans of Pepsi I let in my life between Jan and March as SINS? I thought I was making a good plastic choice….but alas was not. They’ve long gone to the recycling bin so I can’t include them in my plastic shrine (besides, where am I gonna get my hands on sodium hydroxide to magically isolate the liners…and then again…do I really want to get my hands on corrosive sodium hydroxide…ahhhh….NO!).

Post a comment and let me know.

Lessons learned:

• Ignorance is PepsiBliss. ‘Cuz you can keep on unknowingly committing sins. But once TheTruth is pointed out to you…you have to make a choice. Do you continue to commit sin or change your ways? EnviroWoman has chosen to change her ways. Afterall, this is what this year is all about…giving up plastic and seeing how it transforms my life.
• Plastic really is insidious. (The flip side is plastic is really a versatile wonder substance) Okay, you and I already knew both those points are true. But here’s yet another example of how you think you’re making a better ‘non-plastic’ choice…but until you are fully informed…you don’t know dick. I feel the need for a Part 2 of Plastics 101 coming on....
• That Anonymous person sure is smart…and prolific. (I wonder if he/she is a munchkin?) I tell ya…I see him/her posting all over the Web leaving their wise and profound truisms for the rest of the world to bask in the glory of. EnviroWoman is SuperGlad Anonymous has graced the pages of her own blog. Even though initially it felt like he/she was driving a plastic stake through my Pepsi-lovin' heart. But Anonymous is just helping EnviroWoman stay true to her No-New-Plastic Pledge. Gotta luv 'em for that!
  

Plastic free: Bed Sheets

The Prince and the Pea
by Hans Christian Andersen and EnviroWoman

Once upon a time in the magical kingdom of LaLaLand there lived a prince….Prince MyMcDreamy.

He had reached the age where it was time to grow up, say goodbye to the GirlsGoneWild and BarBimbettes, and find himself a wife….a real Princess.

So he traveled around the world searching for her. His quest took him from Alaska to Zanzibar and even to Match.com. But, in all his travels, he never found a TrueBluePrincess. Some came close, but none were ‘just right’. So finally, giving up all hope, he came home to LaLaLand empty handed.

TheQueenMother was not pleased. Was her son going to be TheBachelor for life?

One day, between royal engagements, Prince MyMcDreamy took a walk in the kingdom’s marketplace, but found himself caught in a torrential downpour. It stormed. It thundered. It rained torrents, as it often did in LaLaLand. The road back to the palace was washed away.

Soaked to the royal jewels and stranded, Prince MyMcDreamy took refuge in a tiny shop called Bed.

And it was there, among the myriad of brightly colored 100% cotton muslin duvets, sheets and pillowcases, that his heart skipped a little beat when he laid his eyes upon a true vision of loveliness – a woman (beautiful, blonde and with big bazookas) carrying a wire shopping basket filled with 22 Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut Chocolate bars (the ones in the paper and foil wrappers, not the shiny foily plastic wrappers).

Prince MyMcDreamy thought “Only a genuine princess could eat that much chocolate and still be that skinny.” So he said to the thing of beauty “Wow, you must be a TrueBluePrincess.”

The woman thought to herself “Oh paaalllleeease! That’s gotta be the worse pick up line ever” and said cheekily to Prince MyMcDreamy “Ahhh, no Buddy. I’m an EnviroWoman.”

The prince, realized he had just totally botched his one chance to make a good first impression, so backtracked with ‘My humble apologies for being so forward and unoriginal. I’ve just returned from a quest for a real princess and thought maybe you were TheOne.”

“No prob, SweetCheeks,” said EnviroWoman, “I’m on a quest myself. I’ve taken a NoNewPlastic Pledge this year and have been searching the kingdom for bedsheets that don’t come packaged in plastic. I’ve been to the Bay, and to Ed’s Linen’s but everything…EVERYTHING comes packaged in plastic – and its not even recyclable plastic either. It’s discouraging. It’s un-necessary. And it’s not good for the kingdom. Or for the planet. The QueenMother really should pass a law that forbids it.”

Prince MyMcDreamy looked down at the woman’s feet. He thought for sure she must be standing on a soapbox.

EnviroWoman looked down at the man’s feet. A pool of water was collecting and the words ‘Poor drowned rat’ came to mind.

Her heart softened and she continued, “I’d nearly given up hope. And then I happened upon this little shop, which I’ve never been to before. And look…not a single plastic package in sight. Everything lovingly folded on the shelves, without any packaging at all. Don’t ya just love it! It’s exactly what I’ve been searching for. And look at all the great colors. It just goes to show you…never give up hope, because if you persevere, you’ll find what you’re looking for in the most unlikely places...”

They both looked up, and into each other’s eyes. In that instant TheFates and Cupid stepped in and worked their magic. Pheromones, testosterone, estrogen, and chocolate-laced endorphins collided. Sparks flew. Fireworks blew. It was LoveAtAlmostFirstSight.

EnviroWoman took Prince MyMcDreamy home that night. (Oh get your mind outta the gutter. What was she supposed to do? Remember, the road to the palace was flooded. She couldn’t just leave him there to sleep in the streets.)

Now EnviroWoman was no stupid gal. 'This guy seems too good to be true. I wonder if he REALLY is a SensitiveNewAgeGuy,' thought EnviroWoman.

But she said nothing. Instead she went into the guest bedroom, took all the old bed linens off and laid a pea on the mattress, then she piled twenty more mattresses on top of the pea, and then twenty quilts and muslin sheets on top of the mattresses. This was where Prince MyMcDreamy slept that night.

In the morning EnviroWoman asked Prince MyMcDreamy, “Hey SweetCheeks, how’d you sleep?”

'Awful!' said MyMcDreamy. 'I hardly slept the whole night! The sheets were perfect, but it felt like I was lying on something hard and lumpy. My whole body is black and blue this morning.'

Wow, Prince MyMcDreamy really was a SensitiveNewAgeGuy.

Yup, it was a match made in heaven.

The QueenMother was so pleased she passed an ordinance banning all plastic and forcing all LaLaLand inhabitants to live a OnePlanetLife.

They all lived happily ever after.

This is a true fairy tale story.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Bed Sheets
SAINT: Any product sold at Bed on West 4th here in LaLaLand (Vancouver). Organic Lifestyle.ca also sells Anna Sova sheets that come in a cloth bag (no plastic).
Price: Comparable. More for the 100% organic sheets
Quality: Really nice. Plus, after they are all used up, they’d make good, absorbent rags too.
SINNER: Any of the lines carried by department and big-box linen stores. Brands like Highland Feather, Ralph Lauren, Percale, Cosmo Girl, Martex, West Pointe Home, Aussino, Nautica, Charter Club House, Liz Clairborne, Maison Drive, Style & Co, NyGard, House & Home, Gluckstein Home, Mantles, Priscilla Presley, Estate, Charter Club Luxury.

Lessons Learned:

• Support stores that don’t use packaging. They seem radical in today’s PackagingObsessed marketplace, but in fact they are really just taking us back to the way things were done decades ago. That is a good thing. Especially good for MotherEarth.
• Question plastic packaging. Why do sheets come packaged in plastic, but towels don’t? They are both gonna touch naked nether regions of your bod. So why is one zipper-vaulted in THICK plastic (that isn't accepted in many blue-box recycling programs) and the other laid out bare on the shelf without any packaging? This is not SpockLogical. But it is a blatant misuse of Nature’s resources.
• Can’t find it at the BigBoxBoys? Then try the LittleGuys. LittleGuys seem less packaging obsessed. Shop local.
• Don't believe everything you read. Especially on the Internet.
  

PROGRESS REPORT: APRIL

I’ve finished month #4 living the ‘no-new-plastic’ pledge. I’ve got 8 months left to go in my New Year’s resolution… But lately I’ve been thinking of making this a life-time pledge. After all, many years ago I took my meat-free and cruelty-free vows – for life. Why not pledge plastic-free-for life too?

You’re probably thinking “Wow, living plastic-free for life! This EnviroWoman chick is either growing balls or needs to get a slightly tighter grasp on reality.”

‘Tis true my sweets I’m feeling rather brazen - because I’ve actually found it quite easy to adapt to life without plastic.

And look, look, look how successful I’ve been. This picture shows the paltry amount of plastic that has snuck into my life during all of 2007. Yes, yes, I haven’t been able to live TOTALLY plastic free…but this pic shows 4 months of plastic consumption, baby. I bet a lot of people use that much in one day. (To give you some pic-perspective, the big white chunk is deodorant...my first MAJOR SIN and the brown thing is a Tim Horton's coffee lid).

Okay, okay I’ll admit it wasn’t easy at the very beginning. I did suffer some major RudeAwakenings that first month in the areas that matter most to me….

• Living Cruelty Free – I still get a bit teary-eyed thinking of that sad, pitiful moment I walked into the Body Shop, my long-time mecca for all things animal-friendly beauty, and found everything, yes EVERYTHING packaged in plastic. Anita Roddick, you WonderWoman you, how could this be true?
• Being a Vegetarian – Eeeks, and then there was the time I was protein hunting at Safeway and discovered all my usual ‘fake meat’ options were in bed with the plastic devil and now off-limits for 2007.
• Indulging my InnerChocoholic – Even today my endorphins take a deep dive every time I visit a temple of chocolate worship – because about 98% of the delectable-sugary-morsels are off-limits ‘cuz they’re packaged in that evil plastic stuff.

But I guess these three ugly moments are a bit like childbirth. Painful at the time….but then you forget how really awful it was….and take the plunge one more time.

So I'm thinking of making the no-new-plastic pledge for life.....because…(this next part is a tad insane)….I’m having quite a bit of fun living plastic-free.

For now, my decision to go plastic-free for life is just simmering on the back burner. But oh-so tempting.

Anyway, there’s been some good plastic fortune this month....

• EnviroWoman won the changeeverything.ca Viva La Resolution contest. How cool is that? And even cooler…the contest sponsor, Vancity, realizing the irony of the prize being a $500 Visa PLASTIC credit card…gave EnviroWoman a paper cheque instead. Gotta love the Vancity. What a nice bunch of good souls trying to make the world a better place.
• There have been media ops as a result of the Viva La Resolution win. So off I go to them, with my soapbox in hand. Soon I’ll have to change my name to EnviroZealot!!! But you know, I just feel I gotta spread the word that WE ALL HAVE TO DO OUR PART to save the planet. It’s now or never.
• An empty freezer. I wasn’t expecting this. But since frozen food is in league with the plastic-devil, it’s SpockLogical that the freezer would become a wasteland. Now, if I can just figure out how to convert my freezer into more fridge space….for all those fresh veggies… I’d be a happy no-plastic camper.
• Finding plastic-free lipstick. Truly a gift from heaven for this GirlyGirl.
• Brain food:
  An Ecosystem of One’s Own in the May VanityFair (only in print)
  Crude Awakening: The Oil Crash
  Lives Per Gallon
  Who Killed the Electric Car
  Garbage Land
  Care2 Make a Difference
  

Plastic aggravation this month...

• The UrgetoPurge. EnviroWoman is now like a 3 pack-a-day smoker who after 30 years suddenly kicks the habit and now has zero tolerance for cigarette smoke. Plastic is my pariah, and it’s really starting to bug me to have it around, so the UrgeToPurge is starting to Surge.
• Someone backed into MyLittleCar and dinged the door. No big deal - they had the decency to leave a note and ‘fess up. Gotta luv 'em for that. But here’s the downside….the plastic door trim is probably going to have to be replaced. I smell a MAJOR SIN sometime in May. Poop.
  

The big challenge this month...
Finding plastic free mascara. Coming up empty-handed. Even Googling for ancient Egyptian Cleopatra recipes – leads to a big ZERO? A blog commenter suggested Kohl…but where can I find it in Vancouver where I live? Punjabi markets came up empty handed.

Lessons learned this month...

• If not you, then who? EnviroWoman is getting very, very scared about the future of Nature on our planet. And if I don’t do something about it…who will? Oh, I’m not saying the Earth will die without EnviroWoman. But I am saying…if YOU don’t act (yes, I’m talkin’ to YOU), how can you expect anyone else? Please oh please oh please… if you are reading this….start ACTING. And if you already are taking action….Do even more. That’s what I’m doing. And together maybe we can make a difference and turn the tide. Here, take my arm while I help you up onto my soapbox. There's plenty of room up here for both of us.
• I am a SuperParasite. So are you. David Suzuki recently referred to humans as SuperSpecies…but David…as much as I admire and bow down to your Eco-Godliness…ya got that wrong. We are all SuperParasites: Organisms (Us) that grow, feed, and are sheltered on or in a different organism (the Planet and all its creatures) while contributing NOTHING to the survival of its host (the Planet and all its creatures) but instead cause the demise and death of the host. No matter how green EnviroWoman is…I know I will never contribute to the Web of Life as much as a small wee spider in the forest. Yeah, I really DO believe that. I am only a destroyer. A parasite. A gobbler-up of Nature’s resources. But I am trying to minimize my ParasiticEffect. (Okay, to be honest, EnviroWoman learned this lesson years ago…but oh lookie here...I'm standing on my soapbox)
• I am PlasticIgnorant. Tis true. I went into this whole no-new-plastic pledge without knowing anything about plastic. I just knew I didn’t like it. And you and I both know…Ignorance is Bliss…it lets us continue doing bad, bad things while still thinking we are good, good humans. Well…I don’t want to be PlasticIgnorant any longer. So this month I started my own little PhD in Plastic from the University of EnviroWoman. Yup…I’m slipping on those ruby slippers and gonna learn about the WickedWitchoftheWestPlastic.
  

And here it is, my sweets, just to keep me honest, an account of my SINs for the month of April….

MINOR SINS for April 2007:

• 2 plastic labels from Stewarts root beer (opted for a glass bottle rather than a plastic or aluminum can, but dang-it, the label was plastic)
• Tampon wrappers (but I gotta say, all you women telling me about the Diva Cup have really got me tempted)

MAJOR SINs for April 2007:

• None. But the mascara was pretty darn tempting.
  

Challenges Ahead: As current supplies are dwindling I’m starting to hunt for the following non-plastic/packaged, cruelty-free items:

• Mascara. Like I said..I’m getting very tempted to commit a MAJOR SIN
• Nail polish (I’m a GirlyGirl…but I’m beginning to think I gotta give this puppy up for 2007. Waaahhh)

If you have any suggestions where I can find these items please post a comment.